我观察了在医院的其他母亲。有一个孩子得了囊性纤维化病,他的母亲尽职尽责地帮他进行理疗,在孩子胸上连续敲打,发出空洞的砰砰声。她的努力饱含着奉献、希望和痛苦。我对那位母亲十分同情,她的一对双胞胎婴儿得了癌症,在孩子们多次住院后强忍悲痛给护士们写感谢信。
我担心我自己可能做不到这些母亲的英勇行为。她们所做的正是好妈妈该做的,是孩子生病的妈妈不得不做的,也是我所应该做的。但是我并不像其他妈妈那样无私。我羞于承认这一点,同时掺杂着我的恐惧和悲伤。前三周过后,我们才意识到这只是万里长征第一步。了解我的朋友开始对我说,我应该继续工作。他们说,换个环境对我有好处。我拒绝了。我认为好妈妈不会扔下自己生病的孩子去上班。然而,儿子的医生也告诉我那样做会好些,他可以电邮给我他的评估,我忍痛离开了。
我无法正常工作--远远不能。但是我儿子的治疗过了一个月又一个月,他可以出院在外待较长时间了。我和丈夫仍然轮流去门诊或者医院。幸运的是,我的家人和保姆也能减轻我的负担,所以儿子一直不孤单。
可仍有很长一段时间我得抛开一切事情和他在一起。但让我吃惊的是,我发现工作时能减轻我的无助感。我可以分散注意力,有那么多电话要处理,那么多紧急的和日常的工作要去做。我还能控制一些事情。
刚开始我觉得从工作中获得慰藉有一种内疚感。我常常想别的妈妈会怎么想我--把上班穿的衣服带到医院,熬了一晚上听够了孩子的哭喊后,在家长单间里冲澡。
最后,我意识到离开不仅对我而且对我的儿子、女儿都有好处。儿子刚开始生病的时候,医生对我说,为了他我得坚强起来。我不能显露出恐惧。我还得设法把信心传递给女儿,帮她承受降临到我们身上的事情。
尽管我担心去工作可能自私了,但我知道实际上这消除了孩子们的疑虑,这显示着我们至少有时可以回到日常生活中去。工作是生活能继续的保障。工作是希望的证明。
身为人母后,我多次意识到这点,此时我再一次深刻体会到,母亲“须知”有多危险,社会坚持的如何做好妈妈的标准又有多大的破坏性。那么多的专家告诉我们,好妈妈不会把孩子留给保姆,好妈妈从不把孩子独自留下来的证明她们的爱心。然而这些规则都忽略了这样一个事实:并不是所有的妈妈都一样,满足孩子所需要的和他们该得到的有很多方式。这些规则教妈妈们如何做,没有考虑妈妈们的感受,以及这种感觉对孩子的影响。
如果我也遵循了这些规则,我也许会向恐惧投降,也会使我的孩子失望。这个严峻的考验最终减轻了我因为不时离开儿子而产生的负疚感。我意识到,像其他人照顾病人一样,我也需要不时地去别的地方透透气,找到生活的意义,然后再回去照料病人。对我而言,工作就是这样一个地方。对别人来说,可能是其他的地方。
我的儿子现在正在康复,但我仍然很担心他的病,以至于不能完全知道我从这次经历中学到了什么,得出什么结论。我能说的是,在我孩子生病时我还工作,在别人看来这似乎是不应该的。但实际上,这样做让我保持理智。我不再因为其他妈妈的行为而感到惶恐 不安。我也看到自己跟其他母亲一样乐于奉献。我们都关心孩子,只是每个人都有自己的方式。
I Will Become Master of Myself 掌控自己的情绪The tides advance;the tides recede. Winter goes and summer comes. Summer wanes and the cold increases. The sun rises;the sun sets. The moon is full;the moon is black. The birds arrive! the birds depart. Flowers bloom;flowers fade. Seeds are sown;harvests are reaped. All nature is a circle of moods and I am a part of nature and so,like the tides, my moods will rise;my moods will fall.
It is one of nature’s tricks,little understood,that each day I awaken with moods that have changed from yesterday. Yesterday‘s joy will become today’s sadness;yet today‘s sadness will grow into tomorrow’s joy. Inside me is a wheel,constantly turning from sadness to joy,from exultation to depression,from happiness to melancholy. Like the flowers,today‘s full bloom of joy will fade and withers into despondency,yet I will remember that as today’s dead flower carries the seed of tomorrow‘s bloom so,too,does today’s sadness carry the seed of tomorrow‘s joy.
And how will I master these emotions so that each day will be productive? For unless my mood is right the day will be a failure. Trees and plants depend on the weather to flourish but I make my own weather, yea I transport it with me.
And how will I master my emotions so that every day is a happy day,and a productive one? I will learn this secret of the ages:Weak is he who permits his thoughts to control his actions;strong is he who forces his actions to control his thoughts. Each day,when I awaken,I will follow this plan of battle before I am captured by the forces of sadness, self-pity and failure-If I feel depressed I will sing. If I feel sad I will laugh.
If I feel ill I will double my labor. If I feel fear I will plunge ahead.
If I feel inferior I will wear new garments. If I feel uncertain I will raise my voice.
If I feel poverty I will think of wealth to come.
If I feel incompetent I will remember past success. If I feel insignificant I will remember my goals.
Henceforth,I will know that only those with inferior ability can always be at their best,and I am not inferior. There will be days when I must constantly struggle against forces which would tear me down. Those such as despair and sadness are simple to recognize but there are others which approach with a smile and the hand of friendship and they can also destroy me. Against them,too,I must never relinquish control-If I become overconfident I will recall my failures. If I overindulge I will think of past hungers.
If I feel complacency I will remember my competition.
If I enjoy moments of greatness I will remember moments of shame. If I feel all-powerful I will try to stop the wind.
If I attain great wealth I will remember one unfed mouth.
If I become overly proud I will remember a moment of weakness. If I feel my skill is unmatched I will look at the stars.
Henceforth I will recognize and identify the mystery of moods in all mankind,and in me. From this moment I am prepared to control whatever personality awakes in me each day. I will master my moods through positive action and when I master my moods I will control my destiny. I will become master of myself. I will become great.
人生不如意,十有八九。如果每一次你都被消极情绪影响,那你永远不会成功。想做未来的主人,首先要学会调整自己的情绪,做它的主人!
参考翻译(高昆)
潮涨潮落。春去秋来。冬冷夏热。日升日落。月圆月缺。雁来云往。花飞花谢。春种秋收。自然万物都随着情绪循环往复,我作为其中的一部分,当然也不例外。就像潮水一样,我的情绪也是时涨时落。
自然界的诡计之一就是每天醒来,情绪总是和昨天不同,很难捉摸。昨天的快乐可能成了今天的悲伤;今天的悲伤也可能成了明天的快乐。好像身体里有一个转轮,在悲伤和欢乐、兴奋和绝望、幸福和忧郁之间不停地转变。就像花朵,绽放的喜悦会慢慢蜕变成凋谢的绝望,但是枯萎的花朵也同样孕育着即将绽放的种子,正如今天的悲伤同样酝酿着明天的快乐。
我该怎样掌控这些情绪,才能让每一天都过得很充实呢?情绪不对,这一整天都会在失败中度过。花草树木的茂盛依赖于气候变换,但我可以创造属于自己的气候,没错,我自己掌控。那么我要怎样掌控自己的情绪,才能让每一天都很充实、很愉悦呢?我要学习这个古老的秘方:弱者,情绪操控行为;强者,行为操控情绪。每天醒来,当我被悲伤、自怜、失败的情绪包围,我都要像这样与之对抗--感到沮丧时,就放声歌唱。感到悲伤时,就开怀大笑。感到苦恼时,就加倍劳作。感到恐惧时,就勇往直前。感到低人一等时,就换上新装。感到犹豫不决时,就加大音量。感到囊中羞涩时,就想象财富将至。感到力不从心时,就想想过去的成就。感到微不足道时,就想想自己的目标。
今后,我要了解到,无能之人总是无法超越自我,而我并非无能。有些时候,我必须不断地与那些想摧毁我的情绪对抗。失望与悲伤很容易察觉,但是,有些情绪往往微笑着靠近,并伸出友谊之手,可它们也能将我毁于无形。我同样要与它们对抗,永远不放弃去掌控它们--变得自负时,就想想过去的失落。过度放纵时,就想想过去的渴望。感到自满时,就想想竞争的对手。居功自傲时,就想想屈辱的时刻。自以为是时,就试试自己是否能呼风唤雨。得到巨大财富时,就想想那些饿肚子的人。变得不可一世时,就想想自己怯懦的时候。
感到技艺过人时,就看看满天的繁星。今后,我要识别和辨认人类所有的情绪变化奥秘,包括我自己的。这一刻开始,我要作出积极的行动来准备控制每天心里可能被唤起的性格,一旦我控制了自己的情绪,就掌握了自己的命运。我将成为自己的主人,我将优秀卓越。
Act at Once 立刻行动
My dreams are worthless,my plans are dust,my goals are impossible. All are of no value unless they are followed by action.
Never has there been a map,however carefully executed to detail and scale,which carried its owner over even one inch of ground. Never has there been a parchment of law,however fair,which prevented one crime. Action alone is the tinder which ignites the map the parchment, my dreams,my plans,my goals,into a living force. Action is the food and drink which will nourish my success.