With the impulse of a soul who could feel for kindred sufferers as much as for herself, Tess's first thought was to put the still living birds out of their torture, and to this end with her own hands she broke the necks of as many as she could find, leaving them to lie where she had found them till the gamekeepers should come - as they probably would come - to look for them a second time.
`Poor darlings - to suppose myself the most miserable being on earth in the sight o' such misery as yours!' she exclaimed, her tears running down as she killed the birds tenderly.`And not a twinge of bodily pain about me! I be not mangled, and I be not bleeding, and I have two hands to feed and clothe me.' She was ashamed of herself for her gloom of the night, based on nothing more tangible than a sense of condemnation under an arbitrary law of society which had no foundation in Nature.
Chapter 42 It was now broad day, and she started again, emerging cautiously upon the highway.But there was no need for caution; not a soul was at hand, and Tess went onward with fortitude, her recollection of the birds' silent endurance of their night of agony impressing upon her the relativity of sorrows and the tolerable nature of her own, if she could once rise high enough to despise opinion.But that she could not do so long as it was held by Clare.
She reached Chalk-Newton, and breakfasted at an inn, where several young men were troublesomely complimentary to her good looks.Somehow she felt hopeful, for was it not possible that her husband also might say these same things to her even yet? She was bound to take care of herself on the chance of it, and keep off these casual lovers.To this end Tess resolved to run no further risks from her appearance.As soon as she got out of the village she entered a thicket and took from her basket one of the oldest field-gowns, which she had never put on even at the dairy - never since she had worked among the stubble at Marlott.She also, by a felicitous thought, took a handkerchief from her bundle and tied it round her face under her bonnet, covering her chin and half her cheeks and temples, as if she were suffering from toothache.Then with her little scissors, by the aid of a pocket looking-glass, she mercilessly nipped her eyebrows off, and thus insured against aggressive admiration she went on her uneven way.
`What a mommet of a maid!' said the next man who met her to a companion.
Tears came into her eyes for very pity of herself as she heard him.
`But I don't care!' she said.`O no - I don't care! I'll always be ugly now, because Angel is not here, and I have nobody to take care of me.My husband that was is gone away, and never will love me any more; but I love him `just the same, and hate all other men, and like to make 'em think scornfully of me!'
Thus Tess walks on; a figure which is part of the landscape; a fieldwoman pure and ******, in winter guise; a gray serge cape, a red woollen cravat, a stuff skirt covered by a whitey-brown rough wrapper; and buff-leather gloves.Every thread of that old attire has become faded and thin under the stroke of raindrops, the burn of sunbeams, and the stress of winds.
There is no sign of young passion in her now--The maiden's mouth is cold Fold over ****** fold Binding her head.Inside this exterior, over which the eye might have roved as over a thing scarcely percipient, almost inorganic, there was the record of a pulsing life which had learnt too well, for its years, of the dust and ashes of things, of the cruelty of lust and the fragility of love.
Next day the weather was bad, but she trudged on, the honesty, directness, and impartiality of elemental enmity disconcerting her but little.Her object being a winter's occupation and a winter's home, there was no time to lose.Her experience of short hirings had been such that she was determined to accept no more.
Thus she went forward from farm to farm in the direction of the place whence Marian had written to her, which she determined to make use of as a last shift only, its rumoured stringencies being the reverse of tempting.
First she inquired for the lighter kinds of employment, and, as acceptance in any variety of these grew hopeless, applied next for the less light, till, beginning with the dairy and poultry tendance that she liked best, she ended with the heavy and coarse pursuits which she liked least - work on arable land: work of such roughness, indeed, as she would never have deliberately volunteered for.
Towards the second evening she reached the irregular chalk table-land or plateau, bosomed with semi-globular tumuli - as if Cybele the Many-breasted were supinely extended there - which stretched between the valley of her birth and the valley of her love.
Here the air was dry and cold, and the long cart-roads were blown white and dusty within a few hours after rain.There were few trees, or none, those that would have grown in the hedges being mercilessly plashed down with the quickset by the tenant-farmers, the natural enemies of tree, bush, and brake.In the middle distance ahead of her she could see the summits of Bulbarrow and of Nettlecombe Tout, and they seemed friendly.They had a low and unassuming aspect from this upland, though as approached on the other side from Blackmoor in her childhood they were as lofty bastions against the sky.Southerly, at many miles' distance, and over the hills and ridges coastward, she could discern a surface like polished steel:
it was the English Channel at a point far out towards France.
