How Jack's friends came to visit him in prison, and what advice they gave him.
Jack hitherto had passed in the world for a poor, ******, well-meaning, half-witted, crack-brained fellow. People were strangely surprised to find him in such a roguery--that he should disguise himself under a false name, hire himself out for a servant to an old gentlewoman, only for an opportunity to poison her. They said that it was more generous to profess open enmity than under a profound dissimulation to be guilty of such a scandalous breach of trust, and of the sacred rights of hospitality; in short, the action was universally condemned by his best friends. They told him in plain terms that this was come as a judgment upon him for his loose life, his gluttony, drunkenness, and avarice; for laying aside his father's will in an old mouldy trunk, and turning stock-jobber, newsmonger, and busybody, meddling with other people's affairs, shaking off his old serious friends, and keeping company with buffoons and pickpockets, his father's sworn enemies; that he had best throw himself upon the mercy of the court, repent, and change his manners. To say truth, Jack heard these discourses with some compunction; however, he resolved to try what his new acquaintance would do for him. They sent Habakkuk Slyboots,* who delivered him the following message, as the peremptory commands of his trusty companions:--* Habakkuk Slyboots, a certain great man who persuaded the Dissenters to consent to the Bill against Occasional Conformity as being for their interest.
HABAKKUK.--Dear Jack, I am sorry for thy misfortune: matters have not been carried on with due secrecy; however, we must make the best of a bad bargain. Thou art in the utmost jeopardy, that's certain;hang, draw, and quarter, are the gentlest things they talk of.
However, thy faithful friends, ever watchful for thy security, bid me tell thee that they have one infallible expedient left to save thy life. Thou must know we have got into some understanding with the enemy by the means of Don Diego;* he assures us there is no mercy for thee, and that there is only one way left to escape. It is, indeed, somewhat out of the common road; however, be assured it is the result of most mature deliberation.
* A noble Tory lord.
JACK.--Prithee tell me quickly, for my heart is sunk down in the very bottom of my belly.
HAB.--It is the unanimous opinion of your friends that you make as if you hanged yourself;* they will give it out that you are quite dead, and convey your body out of prison in a bier; and John Bull, being busied with his lawsuit, will not inquire further into the matter.
* Consent to the Bill against Occasional Conformity.
JACK.--How d'ye mean, make as if I hanged myself?
HAB.--Nay, you must really hang yourself up in a true genuine rope, that there may appear no trick in it, and leave the rest to your friends.
JACK.--Truly this is a matter of some concern, and my friends, Ihope, won't take it ill if I inquire a little into the means by which they intend to deliver me. A rope and a noose are no jesting matters!
HAB.--Why so mistrustful? hast thou ever found us false to thee? Itell thee there is one ready to cut thee down.
JACK.--May I presume to ask who it is that is entrusted with so important an office?
HAB.--Is there no end of thy hows and thy whys? That's a secret.
JACK.--A secret, perhaps, that I may be safely trusted with, for Iam not like to tell it again. I tell you plainly it is no strange thing for a man before he hangs himself up to inquire who is to cut him down.
HAB.--Thou suspicious creature! if thou must needs know it, I tell thee it is Sir Roger;* he has been in tears ever since thy misfortune. Don Diego and we have laid it so that he is to be in the next room, and before the rope is well about thy neck, rest satisfied he will break in and cut thee down. Fear not, old boy;we'll do it, I'll warrant thee.
* It was given out that the Earl of Oxford would oppose the occasional Bill, and so lose his credit with the Tories; and the Dissenters did believe he would not suffer it to pass.
JACK.--So I must hang myself up upon hopes that Sir Roger will cut me down, and all this upon the credit of Don Diego. A fine stratagem, indeed, to save my life, that depends upon hanging, Don Diego, and Sir Roger!
HAB.--I tell thee there is a mystery in all this, my friend, a piece of profound policy; if thou knew what good this will do to the common cause, thy heart would leap for joy. I am sure thou wouldst not delay the experiment one moment.
JACK.--This is to the tune of "All for the better." What's your cause to me when I am hanged?
HAB.--Refractory mortal! if thou wilt not trust thy friends, take what follows. Know assuredly, before next full moon, that thou wilt be hung up in chains, or thy quarters perching upon the most conspicuous places of the kingdom. Nay, I don't believe they will he contented with hanging; they talk of impaling, or breaking on the wheel, and thou choosest that before a gentle suspending of thyself for one minute. Hanging is not so painful a thing as thou imaginest. I have spoken with several that have undergone it; they all agree it is no manner of uneasiness. Be sure thou take good notice of the symptoms; the relation will be curious. It is but a kick or two with thy heels, and a wry mouth or so: Sir Roger will be with thee in the twinkling of an eye.
JACK.--But what if Sir Roger should not come; will my friends be there to succour me?
HAB.--Doubt it not; I will provide everything against to-morrow morning: do thou keep thy own secret--say nothing. I tell thee it is absolutely necessary for the common good that thou shouldst go through this operation.
