“He wouldn，t， but if he，s any kind of gentleman， he，ll return it to me ” Her dorm and room numbers were on the envelope， of course.
The next day he appeared with the letter and asked my roommate out on a date. “Couldn，t fail，” she later told me. “The book was Great Expectations.” Notes：
(1) overhear v.偶然听到；无意中听到
(2) on one，s way to在去……的路上
(3) date n.约会
我的室友
我的室友对她英国文学课上的一个年轻人有意思，但又不好意思让他知道。一天，她听到他和别人说要去图书馆借某本书。她冲到图书馆，找到那本书，夹进去她妈妈来的一封信。
“他为什么会要读你妈妈来的信呢？”我问。
“他不会读的。但如果他还算是个绅士的话，他会把信还给我的。”当然啦，她的宿舍及房间号码就在信封上。
第二天，他拿着那封信出现了，并约我室友出去。“错不了的，”她后来对我说，“那本书的书名是《远大前程》。”
Nest and Hair
My sister， a primary school teacher， was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
“What kind of bird？” my sister asked.
“I didn，t see the bird， ma， am， only the nest，” replied the child.
“Then， can you give us a deion of the nest？” my sister encouraged her.
“Well， ma，am， it just resembles your hair. ”Notes：
(1) inform v.告诉
(2) nest n.窝；巢
(3) deion n.描述
(4) encourage v.鼓励
(5) resemble v. 相似；类似
鸟窝与头发
我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外的树上垒了个窝。
“是什么鸟呢？”我姐姐问她。
“我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。
“那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？”我姐姐鼓励她道。
“哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。”
Not Here
Kathy and Polly were friends but they liked playing tricks on each other.
One day Kathy met Polly in the street. She said， “Hi， Polly. It，s good to see you.”
“How can you see me when I，m not here？” Polly asked.
“What do you mean， you， re not here？” Kathy asked.“Of course you ，re here.”
“No， I，m not.” Polly said.“and I，ll bet you ten dollars that I can prove I，m not here.”
“Alright，” said Kathy. “Ten dollars. Now prove you，re not here.”
“Easy，” Polly said， “Am I in Hong Kong？”
“No，” said Kathy.
“Am I in Paris？”
“No，” said Kathy.
“If I，m not in Hong Kong and I，m not in Paris，” Polly said， “ then I must be somewhere else. Right？”
“Right，” said Kathy. “You must be somewhere else.”
“Exactly.” said Polly. “And if I，m somewhere else I can，t be here， can I get？ Ten dollars， please. ”
“That，s very clever， Polly，” Kathy said， “but I can，t give you ten dollars.”
“Why not？” asked Polly. “We had a bet.”
“Certainly we had a bet，” Kathy said， “but how can I give you ten dollars if you，re not here？”
And with a laugh she walked away. Notes：
(1) trick n.恶作剧
(2) play a trick on sb.开玩笑；戏谑某人
(3) prove v.证明
(4) Hong Kong香港
(5) Paris巴黎（法国首都）
不在这里
凯斯和波丽是朋友，但她们总爱开对方的玩笑。
一天凯斯在街上遇见了波丽。她说，“喂、波丽，很高兴见到你。”
“我不在这里，你怎能看到我呢？”波丽说。
“你说你不在这里，这是什么意思？”凯斯问，“当然，你在这里。”
“不，我不在这里。”波丽说，“我将和你打10美元的赌，赌我能证明我不在这里。”
“行，”凯斯说，“10美元。现在证明你不在这里吧。”
“这很容易，”波丽说，“我在香港吗？”
“不在”凯斯说。
“我在巴黎吧？”
“如果我既不在香港也不在巴黎，”波丽说，“那我一定在别的地方。对不对？”
“对，”凯斯说，“你一定在别处。”
“确实如此，”波丽说，“既然我在别处，那我一定不在这里，不是吗？请给10美元吧。”
“真聪明，波丽。”凯斯说，“但我不能给你10美元。”
“为什么不给？”波丽问，“我们打过赌的。 ”
“不错，我们打过赌。”凯斯说，“但既然你不在这里，我怎么能给你10美元呢？”
说完她笑着离开了。
Older Goats in America
A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm， a young guide led them through the process of cheese making， explaining that goats， milk was used.
She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. These， she explained， were the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produced. She then asked， “What do you do with your older goats in America？”
A spry old gentleman answered， “They send us on bus tours！” Notes：
(1) hillside n. 山坡
(2) graze v.（指牛羊等）吃青草
(3) put out 把……送到外面去
(4) pasture n.牧场
(5) spry adj.活泼的
美国老羊
一群美国人乘长途汽车在荷兰旅游。他们在一个奶酪场停下来。一位年轻的导游带他们参观了奶酪制作的全过程，解释说用的是羊奶。
她指给这群人一个美丽的山坡，山坡上许多羊在吃草。对这些，她解释说，是放逐草地的老羊，它们已不能再产奶。她然后问道：“在美国你们怎样处理老羊呢？”
一位活泼的老绅士回答说：“他们让我们乘车旅行！”
Only One Eye to Settle On
The girl found the gobetween and said， “You cheated me！One of his eyes is not true. Why didn，t you tell me this before？”
“I have told you.”said the gobetween with justice on his side，“When you met first， I told you that he settled on you with one eye.” Notes：
(1) gobetween n.媒人
(2) settle on选定；决定
一眼就看中
姑娘找到媒人，说：“你欺骗了我。他的一只眼是假眼，你以前为什么不告诉我？”
“怎么没告诉你？”媒人也不甘示弱，“你们第一回见面后，我就说，他一眼就看中你了。”
Pears and Plum
I bought some pears at my local supermarket. At the checkout counter the cashier commented， “Oh， dear， I，ve charged you for plums instead of pears.”
“What，s the difference？” I asked.
“Well，” she said， “plums are smaller and round.” Notes：
(1) pear n.梨
(2) supermarket n.超级市场
(3) checkout n.付账出口处
(4) cashier n.出纳员
(5) comment v.说话；发表意见
梨子与李子
我在市超级市场买了些梨子。在付款台，出纳员说：“噢，天哪，你这是梨子，我按李子收钱了。”
“有什么区别吗？”我问。
“哦，”她说，“李子小一点儿但很圆。”
Point of No Return
My husband ordered home delivery of our local newspaper. Because we live in rural area where no street numbers are used， I was concerned that the carrier would have trouble finding us. Sure enough， we missed delivery several days despite frequent calls to the circulation department. Finally I phoned to cancel the subion. “You，ll have to tell me your exact location，” the woman on the line said. “We can，t cancel the subion unless we know where you live.” Notes：
(1) delivery n.递送
(2) rural area乡村
(3) concerned adj.焦虑的；担心的
(4) have trouble doing sth做某事有麻烦
(5) despite prep.不管；不顾
(6) frequent adj.时常发生的；惯常的
(7) circulation n.发行
(8) subion n.订阅
有去无回
我丈夫预订了当地报纸的户送。因为我们住在乡下，没有街道号码，所以我担心送报员不易找到我们。果真如此，一连几天都没有报纸送来，尽管我们频繁地往发行部打电话询问。最后我打电话取消订阅协议。“您得告诉我们您的准确位置，”电话中女子说，“除非我们知道您住在哪里，否则我们不能取消订阅协议。”
Post Haste
My husband asked me to go to the post office to mail his resume in anticipation of a job interview. He instructed me to send it the fastest way possible.
Struck by the urgency in his voice， I grabbed a handful of change and dashed out the door. Arriving at the post office， I rushed to the counter and breathlessly explained to the clerk that my envelope had to be delivered immediately. He casually weighed the envelope and said it would cost 10.03.I fumbled through my pockets and tallied up my coins.“But I don，t have 1003，” I said. He punched some more buttons and said，“Okay， that will be 740， ma am.”
Once more I said in dismay， “Sorry， I don，t have 740.”
“Well，” he sighed， “exactly how much do you have？”
I meekly answered， “I have exactly 2.15， sir.”
With that， he yelled over his shoulder to a coworker，“Hey， Charlie， get the pigeon ready.” Notes：
(1) resume n. 履历
(2) anticipation n.期望
(3) dash v.急奔；猛冲
(4) breathlessly adv.上气不接下气地
(5) casually adv.漫不经心地
(6) fumble v.摸索
(7) tally up算上
(8) punch v.敲；击
(9) dismay n.困惑；茫然
(10) meekly adv.谦和地
邮政快递
我丈夫让我到邮局寄他的履历，期望能得到工作面试的机会。他告诉我要用尽可能快的方式把它寄出去。
我感到他语气紧急，就抓了一把零钱，冲出了家门。到了邮局，我冲到柜台，上气不接下气地向职员解释说我的信必须马上寄出。他漫不经心地称了一下信的重量，说邮费是十元零三分。我翻遍了我的口袋，把所有的硬币都算上。“可是我没有十元零三分，”我说。他又敲了几个键，然后说：“那好吧，七元四角，夫人。”
我又一次茫然地说：“对不起，我没有七块四。”
“那”他叹了口气，“确切地说你有多少？”
我很谦和地回答道：“我有整整两块一角五分，先生。”
听了这话，他转过头向身后的同事喊道：“嗨，查理，准备好鸽子。”
