PRINCIPLE 5：
Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
I was waiting in line to register a letter in the post office atThirty-third Street and Eighth Avenue in New York. I noticed thatthe clerk appeared to be bored with the job—weighing envelopes，handing out stamps， making change， issuing receipts—the samemonotonous grind year after year. So I said to myself： “I amgoing to try to make that clerk like me. Obviously， to make himlike me， I must say something nice， not about myself， but abouthim. So I asked myself， ‘What is there about him that I canhonestly admire？’ ” That is sometimes a hard question to answer，especially with strangers； but， in this case， it happened to be easy.
I instantly saw something I admired no end.
So while he was weighing my envelope， I remarked withenthusiasm： “I certainly wish I had your head of hair.”
He looked up， half-startled， his face beaming with smiles.
“Well， it isn’t as good as it used to be，” he said modestly. I assuredhim that although it might have lost some of its pristine glory，nevertheless it was still magnificent. He was immensely pleased.
We carried on a pleasant little conversation and the last thing hesaid to me was： “Many people have admired my hair.”
I’ll bet that person went out to lunch that day walking on air. I’llbet he went home that night and told his wife about it. I’ll bet helooked in the mirror and said： “It is a beautiful head of hair.”
I told this story once in public and a man asked me afterwards：
“What did you want to get out of him？”
What was I trying to get out of him！！！ What was I trying to get out of him！！！ If we are so contemptibly selfish that we can’t radiatea little happiness and pass on a bit of honest appreciation withouttrying to get something out of the other person in return—if oursouls are no bigger than sour crab apples， we shall meet with thefailure we so richly deserve. Oh yes， I did want something out ofthat chap. I wanted something priceless. And I got it. I got thefeeling that I had done something for him without his being ableto do anything whatever in return for me. That is a feeling thatflows and sings in your memory lung after the incident is past.
There is one all-important law of human conduct. If we obeythat law， we shall almost never get into trouble. In fact， that law，if obeyed， will bring us countless friends and constant happiness.
But the very instant we break the law， we shall get into endlesstrouble. The law is this： Always make the other person feelimportant. John Dewey， as we have already noted， said that thedesire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature； andWilliam James said： “The deepest principle in human nature isthe craving to be appreciated.” As I have already pointed out， itis this urge that differentiates us from the animals. It is this urgethat has been responsible for civilization itself.
Philosophers have been speculating on the rules of humanrelationships for thousands of years， and out of all that speculation，there has evolved only one important precept. It is not new. It is asold as history. Zoroaster taught it to his followers in Persia twentyfivehundred years ago. Confucius preached it in China twentyfourcenturies ago. Lao-tse， the founder of Taoism， taught it tohis disciples in the Valley of the Han. Buddha preached it on thebank of the Holy Ganges five hundred years before Christ. Thesacred books of Hinduism taught it a thousand years before that.
Jesus taught it among the stony hills of Judea nineteen centuriesago. Jesus summed it up in one thought—probably the most important rule in the world： “Do unto others as you would haveothers do unto you.”
You want the approval of those with whom you come incontact. You want recognition of your true worth. You want afeeling that you are important in your little world. You don’t wantto listen to cheap， insincere flattery， but you do crave sincereappreciation. You want your friends and associates to be， asCharles Schwab put it， “hearty in their approbation and lavish intheir praise.” All of us want that.
