When I was eleven years old， my parents took me to the beach on Australia‘s Gold Coast. My mum and dad walked down the coast a bit， and I was just chillin’ in the sand near the edge of the water， watching the waves and basking in the breeze. I covered up with an oversize T-shirt so I wouldn‘t get sunburned.
A young woman came walking along the beach， and as she approached， she smiled and said， “That’s quite impressive！”
“What do you mean？” I asked， knowing that she wasn‘t referring to my huge biceps.
“How long did it take you to bury your legs like that？” she said.
I realized that she thought I’d hidden my legs in the sand somehow. Feeling mischievous， I played along.
“Oh， I had to dig such a long time，” I said.
She laughed and strolled by， but I knew she could not resist a second look so I waited. Sure enough， just as her head swiveled for a parting glance， I popped up and hopped toward the water.
She didn‘t say anything， though she stumbled a bit as she scurried down the beach.
Sometimes as a boy I resented such moments， but eventually I came to be more patient and understanding of others. Like that woman， I’ve learned that sometimes there is more to people than you first suspect， and sometimes there is less.
The art of reading people， relating to them， engaging with them， and stepping into their shoes， knowing whom to trust and how to be trustworthy is critical to your success and happiness. Few people succeed without the ability to build relationships based on mutual understanding and trust. We all need not just someone to love but also friends， mentors， role models， and supporters who buy into our dreams and help us achieve them.
To build your Dream Team of supporters who have your best interests at heart， you must first prove yourself trustworthy by standing up for them. Your mates will treat you the way you treat them. If you invest in their success， support them， encourage them， and give them your honest feedback， you can expect them to do the same for you. If they don‘t， you should move on and find someone who wants to be on your team.
We are social by nature， but if your relationships aren’t what you‘d like them to be， you may not be giving enough thought to how you interact with others and what you put in and take out of your relationships. One of the biggest mistakes you can make is to try and win friends only by telling them about yourself： your fears， frustrations， and pleasures. The truth is that you win friends by learning about them and finding shared interests to build bonds that provide mutual benefi ts.
Building a relationship is like building a savings account； you can’t expect to take anything out of it if you haven‘t put something into it. We all need to tune up our relationship skills from time to time by evaluating our approach to them and looking at what is working and what is not.
HOW DO YOU RELATE TO OTHERS？
A strong sense of purpose， high hopes， abiding faith， self-love， a positive attitude， fearlessness， resilience， and mastery of change will take you a long way， but no one makes it alone. To be sure， I value my ability to take care of myself. I worked hard to become as independent as possible. But I am still dependent on the people around me， just as we all are to a great degree.
Often I am asked， “Isn’t it hard to rely so much on others？” And my response is， “You tell me.” Whether you acknowledge it or not， you depend on those around you nearly as much as I do. Some tasks I need help managing， but no one on this earth succeeds without benefiting from the wisdom， the kindness， or the helping hands of someone else.
We all need supportive relationships. We all must engage with kindred spirits. To do that effectively， we must build trust and prove ourselves trustworthy. We must understand that most people instinctively act out of self-interest， but if you show them that you are interested in them and invested in their success， most will do the same for you.
MAKING CONNECTIONS
When I was a boy， my mum often took me shopping or to other public places， and while she went about her business， I‘d spend hours observing faces in the crowd from my wheelchair. I’d study them as they passed by and try to guess what they did for a living and what their personalities were like. Of course， I never knew whether my instant profiles were correct， but I did become a serious student of body language， facial expressions， and reading people in general.
This was mostly a subconscious process， but when I look back and reflect， I realize I was instinctively developing some very important skills. Since I lack the arms to defend myself， or the legs to run， it was important for me to quickly assess whether I could trust someone or not. It‘s not that I consciously worried about being attacked， but I was more vulnerable than most， and so I became more “people aware” than most.I’m sensitive to the moods， emotions， and sounds of those around me. This may sound a little strange， but my antennae are so finely tuned that when someone puts a hand on my wheelchair armrest， it‘s almost like we are holding hands. I get this weird feeling that a physical connection has been made， just as if we were shaking or holding hands. Whenever my friends or family members put their hands on my chair， I feel this warmth and acceptance.
My lack of limbs has affected the way I relate to people as a professional speaker. I don’t have to worry about one of the primary concerns of most speakers—what to do with my hands. I‘ve worked on communicating with my facial expressions， and especially my eyes， rather than my hands. I can’t make gestures to emphasize points or convey emotion. I worked at varying the width of my eyes and changing my facial expressions to convey emotions， and to hold the attention of my audiences.
My sister recently teased me： “Nick， you really do love eye contact. When you speak to someone， you look into their eyes with this intensity. That‘s the only way I can describe it.”
Michelle knows me well. I look into the eyes of other people because they are windows to the soul. I love eye contact. I admire the beauty of people， and I find it， often， in their eyes. We can all find something bad or imperfect in others， but I choose to look at the gold within them.
