It was hardly an hour after Joseph and I had begun preparing for my departure, when there was a violent ring at the door.
"Shall I go to the door?" said Joseph.
"Go," I said, asking myself who it could be at such an hour, and not daring to believe that it was Marguerite.
"Sir," said Joseph coming back to me, "it is two ladies.""It is we, Armand," cried a voice that I recognised as that of Prudence.
I came out of my room. Prudence was standing looking around the place; Marguerite, seated on the sofa, was meditating. I went to her, knelt down, took her two hands, and, deeply moved, said to her, "Pardon."She kissed me on the forehead, and said:
"This is the third time that I have forgiven you.""I should have gone away to-morrow."
"How can my visit change your plans? I have not come to hinder you from leaving Paris. I have come because I had no time to answer you during the day, and I did not wish to let you think that I was angry with you. Prudence didn't want me to come; she said that I might be in the way.""You in the way, Marguerite! But how?"
"Well, you might have had a woman here," said Prudence, "and it would hardly have been amusing for her to see two more arrive."During this remark Marguerite looked at me attentively.
"My dear Prudence," I answered, "you do not know what you are saying.""What a nice place you've got!" Prudence went on. "May we see the bedroom?""Yes."
Prudence went into the bedroom, not so much to see it as to make up for the foolish thing which she had just said, and to leave Marguerite and me alone.
"Why did you bring Prudence?" I asked her.
"Because she was at the theatre with me, and because when I leave here I want to have some one to see me home.""Could not I do?"
"Yes, but, besides not wishing to put you out, I was sure that if you came as far as my door you would want to come up, and as Icould not let you, I did not wish to let you go away blaming me for saying 'No.'""And why could you not let me come up?"
"Because I am watched, and the least suspicion might do me the greatest harm.""Is that really the only reason?"
"If there were any other, I would tell you; for we are not to have any secrets from one another now.""Come, Marguerite, I am not going to take a roundabout way of saying what I really want to say. Honestly, do you care for me a little?""A great deal."
"Then why did you deceive me?"
"My friend, if I were the Duchess So and So, if I had two hundred thousand francs a year, and if I were your mistress and had another lover, you would have the right to ask me; but I am Mlle.
Marguerite Gautier, I am forty thousand francs in debt, I have not a penny of my own, and I spend a hundred thousand francs a year. Your question becomes unnecessary and my answer useless.""You are right," I said, letting my head sink on her knees; "but I love you madly.""Well, my friend, you must either love me a little less or understand me a little better. Your letter gave me a great deal of pain. If I had been free, first of all I would not have seen the count the day before yesterday, or, if I had, I should have come and asked your forgiveness as you ask me now, and in future I should have had no other lover but you. I fancied for a moment that I might give myself that happiness for six months; you would not have it; you insisted on knowing the means. Well, good heavens, the means were easy enough to guess! In employing them Iwas ****** a greater sacrifice for you than you imagine. I might have said to you, 'I want twenty thousand francs'; you were in love with me and you would have found them, at the risk of reproaching me for it later on. I preferred to owe you nothing;you did not understand the scruple, for such it was. Those of us who are like me, when we have any heart at all, we give a meaning and a development to words and things unknown to other women; Irepeat, then, that on the part of Marguerite Gautier the means which she used to pay her debts without asking you for the money necessary for it, was a scruple by which you ought to profit, without saying anything. If you had only met me to-day, you would be too delighted with what I promised you, and you would not question me as to what I did the day before yesterday. We are sometimes obliged to buy the satisfaction of our souls at the expense of our bodies, and we suffer still more, when, afterward, that satisfaction is denied us."I listened, and I gazed at Marguerite with admiration. When Ithought that this marvellous creature, whose feet I had once longed to kiss, was willing to let me take my place in her thoughts, my part in her life, and that I was not yet content with what she gave me, I asked if man's desire has indeed limits when, satisfied as promptly as mine had been, it reached after something further.
