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第109章 DISSERTATION ON ROAST PIG

Charles Lamb (b. 1775,d. 1834) was born in London. He was educated at Christ’s Hospital,where he was a schoolfellow and intimate friend of Coleridge. In 1792 he became a clerk in the India House,London,and in 1825 he retired from his clerkship on a pension of ?441. Lamb never married,but devoted his life tthe care of his sister Mary,whwas at times insane. He wrote "Tales founded on the Plays of Shakespeare," and several other works of rare merit;but his literary fame rests principally on the inimitable "Essays of Elia" (published originally in the "London Magazine"),from one of which the following selection is adapted.

1.Mankind,says a Chinese manuscript,which my friend M. was obliging enough tread and explain tme,for the first seventy thousand ages ate their meat raw,clawing or biting it from the living animal,just as they din Abyssinia tthis day.

2.This period is not obscurely hinted at by their great Confucius in the second chapter of his "Mundane Mutations," where he designates a kind of golden age by the term Cho-fang ,literally the CooksˊHoliday. The manuscript goes on tsay that the art of roasting,or rather broiling (which I take tbe the elder brother),was accidentally discovered in the manner following:

3.The swineherd,Ho-ti,having gone out intthe woods one morning,as his manner was,tcollect mast for his hogs,left his cottage in the care of his eldest son,Bo-bo,a great lubberly boy,who,being fond of playing with fire,as younkers1 of his age commonly are,let some sparks escape inta bundle of straw,which,kindling quickly,1 Younkers,young persons.spread the conflagration over every part of their poor mansion till it was reduced tashes.

4.Together with the cottage,-a sorry,antediluvian1 makeshift2 ofa building,you may think it,-what was of much more importance,a fine litter of newborn pigs,nless than nine in number,perished. China pigs have been esteemed a luxury all over the East from the remotest periods we read of.

5.Bo-bwas in the utmost consternation,as you may think,not smuch for the sake of the tenement,which his father and he could easily build up again with a few dry branches,and the labor of an hour or two,at any time,as for the loss of the pigs. While he was thinking what he should say this father,and wringing his hands over the smoking remnants of one of those untimely sufferers,an odor assailed his nostrils unlike any scent which he had before experienced.

6.What,could it proceed from? Not from the burnt cottage,- he had smelt that smell before,-indeed,this was by nmeans the first accident of the kind which had occurred through the negligence of this unlucky young firebrand. Much less did it resemble that of any known herb,weed,or flower. A premonitory3 moistening at the same time overflowed his nether lip. He knew not what tthink.

7.He next stooped down tfeel the pig,if there were any signs of life in it. He burnt his fingers,and tcool them he applied them in his booby fashion this mouth. Some of the crumbs of the scorched skin had come away with his fingers,and for the first time in his life (in the world’s life,indeed,for before him nman had known it) he tasted-crackling! Again he felt and fumbled at the pig. It did not burn him smuch now;still he licked his fingers from a sort of habit.

8.The truth at length broke inthis slow understanding that it was the pig that smelt so,and the pig that tasted sdelicious;and1Antediluvian (literally,existing before the flood),very ancient.

2Makeshlft,that which answers a need with the best means at hand. 3 Premonitory,giving previous warning.surrendering himself up tthe newborn pleasure,he fell ttearing up whole handfuls of the scorched skin with the flesh next it,and was cramming it down his throat in his beastly fashion,when his sire entered amid the smoking rafters,armed with a retributory1 cudgel,and,finding how affairs stood,began train blows upon the young rogue‘s shoulders as thick as hailstones,which Bo-bheeded not any more than if they had been flies.

9.His father might lay on,but he could not beat him from his pig till he had fairly made an end of it,when,becoming a little more sensible of his situation,something like the following dialogue eusued:

"You graceless whelp,what have you got there devouring? Is it not enough that you have burnt me down three houses with your dog’s tricks,and be hanged tyou! but you must be eating fire,and I know not what? What have you got there,I say?"

"father,the pig,the pig! dcome and taste how nice the burnt pig eats!"

10.The ears of Ho-ti tingled with horror. He cursed his son,and he cursed himself that he should ever have a son that should eat burnt pig.

Bo-bo,whose scent was wonderfully sharpened since morning,soon raked out another pig,and,fairly rending it asunder,thrust the lesser half by main force intthe fists of Ho-ti,still shouting out,"Eat,eat,eat the burnt pig,father! only taste! Oh!" with such like barbarous ejaculations,cramming all the while as if he would choke.

11.Ho-ti trembled in every joint while he grasped the abominable thing,wavering whether he should not put his son tdeath for an unnatural young monster,when the crackling scorching his fingers,as it had done his son‘s,and applying the same remedy tthem,he in his turn tasted some of its flavor,which,make what sour mouths he would for a pretense,proved not altogether displeasing thim. In conclusion (for the manuscript here is a little tedious),both father1 Retributory,rewarding,retaliating.and son fairly sat down tthe mess,and never left off till they had dispatched all that remained of the litter.

12.Bo-bwas strictly enjoined1 not tlet the secret escape,forthe neighbors would certainly have stoned them for a couple of abominable wretches,whcould think of improving upon the good meat which God had sent them. Nevertheless strange stories got about. It was observed that Ho-ti’s cottage was burnt down now more frequently than ever. Nothing but fires from this time forward. Some would break out in broad day,others in the nighttime;and Ho-ti himself,which was the more remarkable,instead of chastising his son,seemed tgrow more indulgent thim than ever.

13.At length they were watched,the terrible mystery discovered,and father and son summoned ttake their trial at Pekin,then an inconsiderable assize town. Evidence was given,the obnoxious2 food itself produced in court,and verdict about tbe pronounced,when the foreman of the jury begged that some of the burnt pig,of which the culprits stood accused,might be handed intthe box.

14.He handled it,and they all handled it;and burning their fingers,as Bo-band his father had done before them,and nature prompting teach of them the same remedy,against the face of all the facts,and the clearest charge which the judge had ever given,-tthe surprise of the whole court,townsfolk,strangers,reporters,and all present,-without leaving the box,or any manner of consultation whatever,they brought in a simultaneous verdict of "Not Guilty."

15.The judge,whwas a shrewd fellow,winked at the manifest iniquity of the decision;and when the court was dismissed,went privily,and bought up all the pigs that could be had for love or money. In a few days his lordship‘s townhouse was observed tbe on fire.

16.The thing took wing,and now there was nothing tbe seen but fire in every direction. Fuel and pigs grew enormously dear all1Enjoined,ordered,commanded.2Obnoxious,liable tcensure,offensive.over the district. The insurance offices one and all shut up shop. People built slighter and slighter every day,until it was feared that the very science of architecture would in nlong time be lost tthe world.

17.Thus this custom of firing houses continued till in process of time,says my manuscript,a sage arose,like our Locke,whmade a discovery that the flesh of swine,or indeed of any other animal,might be cooked (burnt,as they called it) without the necessity of consuming a whole house tdress it.

18.Then first began the rude form of a gridiron. Roasting by the string or spit came in a century or twlater;I forget in whose dynasty1. By such slow degrees,concludes the manuscript,dthe most useful,and seemingly the most obvious,arts make their way among mankind.

19.Without placing toimplicit2faith in the account abovegiven,it must be agreed that if a worthy pretext for sdangerous an experiment as setting houses on fire (especially in these days) could be assigned in favor of any culinary3 object that pretext and excuse might be found in Roast Pig.1Dynasty,sovereignty,reign.2Implicit,trusting without doubt. 3 Culinary,relating tthe kitchen.

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